This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My feet surprised me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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