I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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