There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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