dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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