you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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