Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
