So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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