Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
