using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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