Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
