so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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