ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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