I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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