My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
