i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
