Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
