what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
