Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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