Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize