P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
