i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
