I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize