what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
