So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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