i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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