I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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