I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize