I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
