Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you never un-have a 4some
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
