She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize