imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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