wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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