barbara walters just said penis...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
