Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
