I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
