my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize