I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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