I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
