"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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