Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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