We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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