Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
