Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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