I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
