I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
