I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
