for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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