she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
