Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
