Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
tell me about the eggs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
