I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
