oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
