I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Terrible idea I love it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
