carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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