Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The air taste purple.
Randomize
