I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and she was petting her beer can
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
