True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
