You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
