I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
