but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
