I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
