plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
