I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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