I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
