There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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