My friends, they love my intelligence
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
