Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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