i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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