Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
